What To Say When Flirting, Part 4
A major, and often forgotten, part of being a good flirt lies in the LISTENING part. I went over what not to say in the last article. In this one, I’ll cover what you should be doing when you aren’t speaking at all.
I can’t emphasize the importance of being a good listener. Not only does it show interest in the woman you are talking to, it also gives you time to gauge what is happening in a nonverbal sense. You can check in with yourself, and make sure that things are going the right direction.
It’s not all about shutting up and letting the other person talk, in other words. You are responsible for providing some feedback to them with verbal and non verbal signals alike.
The main thing these signals show is that you are paying attention and are interested. If you can’t show these, don’t be surprised if the conversation shuts down and the woman closes off.
So what are good signals of feedback? Nodding, smiling, showing responsive facial expressions, and leaning into the person (correctly timed), all play a part of it. All convey interest and attention.
Verbally, well timed expressions help, normally ones of agreement. Saying “uh-huh” quickly, or “ah”, will display interest when timed right.
Think about it – this isn’t just for attracting women. These signals are common in interactions. If you are in a job interview, watch for them, and be pleasantly surprised at the result. They are powerful tools, and are a strong part of your arsenal when interacting with others.
Another great technique is to paraphrase. In short, you repeat a summary of what they said back to them. “So wait, you were ditched by your friends at a biker bar? How’d that turn out?” Something like this is particularly useful if the woman is coming off as shy.
If you do try the above tactic, make sure you end with an open ended question rather than a closed. In other words, if they can say yes or no, then it’s closed ended. The idea is to get them to respond with an explanation, and keep talking.
A good way to remember this is to think of the words Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why. They are the interrogative words that, when used, require more than yes or no to be used in response.
So what we need to know, when it comes to listening, is this: we are trying to appear that we are paying attention and interested. It’s normally a good idea if you are regardless ( I tend not to waste my time if I’m not interested).
As well, with your nonverbal and verbal responses, you propel the conversation along, and sending the messages to her that she’s worth talking to.
The key again is practice. Be AWARE of her while flirting. Listen to what she says. Pay attention to the content. And TRY to take an active interest in her!
Make an effort to do the above. Most girls will reciprocate. If you are working with the other methods described in this series, you’ll probably gain rapport, and that’s a HUGE step in making your flirting successful!
So learn to be a good listener – take the time to do it, and it will definitely pay off. And in the next article, I’ll show you how both reciprocal disclosure and the use of humor play a very large part in the flirting process!